Tuesday 25 June 2019

Everything you need to know about Boris Johnson

Life is short and we all have a lot of things to do. Even if you are interested in politics, there are a lot of things to read. However, the one thing you should read this year about world politics is this very funny account by Jeremy Vine of how Boris Johnson turned up at an awards ceremony four minutes before he was due to speak, unaware that he was due to speak and completely unaware of the subject about which he would speak.

Boris had the look of a man who had been dragged out of a well by his ankles. His blond hair seemed to spring vertically from his head as he embarked on some opening remarks, where the occasional word, not always the obvious one, was shouted at double-volume.

‘…errrrr, Welcome to THE International. Errrrr…’

The catastrophe had happened. He did not know, could not remember, what event he was at. This is one of the biggest fears any speaker has, forgetting where they are.

Johnson then did a crazy thing. To find out where he was, he very obviously turned around and looked at the large logo projected at the back of the stage.
‘…to the International SECURITISATION Awards! YES!’ he cried triumphantly, and to my amazement it brought the house down. There was a huge cheer. Everyone realised this was not going to be a normal speech. The chaos had descended on us, we were in it, and we were going to enjoy it.

He even managed to forget the punchline to the story about George Brown and the woman in the red dress and it didn't matter.

There is always one anecdote that tells you everything you need to know about a historical figure. With General Franco it is the story of his signing death warrants while talking to the Italian Foreign Minister Count Ciano by the fireside in his snug, occasionally scribbling the word 'Garotte' beside his signature. 'I can come back later if you are busy.' 'Oh no, this is just routine.' 

With Boris this is the story you need to keep in mind. Please make sure you read it all the way to the end and don't stop reading after the end of the account of the first awards ceremony. 


  1. Everything you need to know about... Jeremy Vine:

    He's a anal retentive slimy creep.

    1. You don't believe me? Look at this and weep:


      Spoiler alert: On 18 April 2017 the car driver was jailed for nine months for threatening behavior... (pointing two fingers in 'the shape of a gun' at a liberal VIP)

      The guy makes £700,000-749,999 (2017) as a 'freelance presenter' for the BBC and charges five-figure sums for a post-dinner speech... Do you understand, now, his rabid hatred for somebody who doesn't give a fuck for this kind of gigs?

      That Boris' 'forgetfulness' was part of the shtick, you didn't get it, did you?

      Stand-up philosopher...
      Oh, a bullshit artist!

      Bea Arthur and Mel Brooks:

      In January 2018 Vine was one of six male BBC presenters who voluntarily took a pay cut when the gap between men and women's pay at the BBC was revealed. Dumb leftist knee-jerk reaction...

      According to an interview he gave in March 2015 on his Radio 2 show, his favourite song is Whole Lotta Rosie by AC/DC. Enjoy:


      As for... the spectator.uk reposting cattle manure from zukerberg's shop... Dismal!